Ghosts

Ghosts exist.


I'm not talking about a spectral presence or about anything supernatural. Just like the origin of the vampire, the supernatural entities that we think of as ghosts had to root from something. Maybe vampires were supposed to represent greed and violence, but I know what ghosts are.

Have you ever spoke to a person and made eye contact with them, only to realize that you were completely ignoring their words and thinking about another person. If that person is from your past, that's a ghost. Ghosts haunt people with thoughts of embarrassment in high school, failed romantic propositions, and even general mistakes.

Surely, some reading this are thinking that I'm just talking about memories, but what I'm speaking of is a stronger reaction than just remembering an event, face, or thought. Most memories can't destroy your night, and most memories won't linger on forever. Have you ever been in a situation where the mere mention of someone's name turns the mood for someone else, if not you? That's a ghost haunting you.

I read a quote one time that I can only paraphrase: "No matter what we do, we are just trying to beat the past". It seems so hard to fully escape the person you were and the person that other people think you are.

The worst ghosts are the ones that make you feel bittersweet. The ghosts that make you realize that you were the one that dropped the ball or didn't say the right words. The ghosts of opportunity really haunt me. If I can put it in a more visual sense, I would say that I feel like the most common rendition of Jacob Marley from A Christmas Carol: weighed down with chains that no one can see. These chains do not lock me to a wall or to a room. These chains follow me everywhere, and they only lock away myself inside my physical self.

I'm sure that these ghosts will follow me. Granted, I'm sure some of the older ones will be replaced with newer ones; thats just the natural order of things. Does it get worse the older you get? Do you start to pinch your minutes?

One of my favorite lines from Bruce Springsteen goes something like this: "Is a dream a lie, if it never comes true? or is it something worse?"
That makes me think that its only going to be harder. The chains will vine around even more, til all I am looking for is comfort. That's growing up right?

For the youth: All we have is time and potential, but what happens when neither are on our side anymore?