Holidays.

Andy Rooney said he didn't think Thanksgiving was as commercialized as other holidays. The rest of segment talked about only food products.

Top 5 Holidays (with explanations):

1. New Year's Eve: It's two holidays in one. The first holiday celebrates the end of the year. You can curse all the bad people you've met and toast to all the great experiences you have had. The second holiday celebrates the new year and all its potential. You can make a resolution to lose weight, stop smoking, or eat vegan. (Only later to realize its Feb. 13th and your dinner was a cigarette and chicken fries)

2. Halloween: This holiday is the only one that allows for costumes, which always equal parties. On the male side of the spectrum, the combination of girls in more risky clothing and the idea of making out with a girl while wearing a spider-man costume is simply overwhelming. Females can always have the pleasure of picking out a sluttier costume than the one she has on, or take the high road and dress in the always ubiquitous "cat" costume. There is also candy.

3.Cinco De Mayo: It's Mexican Independence baby! It's Black Friday for Corona and Dos Equis.

4. April Fool's Day: While technically not a holiday, it is inscribed on my "Dogs and Cats is Friends" calendar, so I'm going to count it. You can call your mom and tell her you've been in a car accident. You can put an egg in your teachers seat. You can spread rumor of a celebrities' death.

(Exception!) April Fool's Day is the only holiday that can be a negative experience without any help from you. Be the Joker, not the Punchline.

5. July 4th (Independence Day): Fireworks. Meat grilled over flame. Less annoying than St. Patrick's Day

Dishonorable Mention:
Arbor Day: Seriously?